


maybe i should stop (and start confessing)

by shipsandglitter



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: (Late teens), ALL OF IT, Aged-Up Character(s), First Kiss, Fluff, Flustered Gays, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nervous Gays, Romance, Set in Amsterdam, flirty gays, hand-holding, so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 02:58:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20418779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipsandglitter/pseuds/shipsandglitter
Summary: "Summer in Amsterdam was a lot of things. It was bright blue skies, it was drifting clouds, it was narrow buildings painted golden by sunlight, it was bikes of various colours zooming by, it was bright green tree leaves and bustling farmer’s markets. For Cyrus, summer in Amsterdam also happened to be small hotel rooms and late nights, green eyes and soft laughter, sugary coffees that were sweet, but not nearly as sweet as the boy who sat opposite him in the cafés they went to."Aka, TJ and Cyrus go on a holiday to Amsterdam together at the end of their final year and start blurring the lines between friendship and something more.[Loosely based on the 'There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back' music video + its lyrics]





	maybe i should stop (and start confessing)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I was in the mood to write tyrus getting together fluff b/c I haven't in a while and I miss it, so this happened <3

Summer in Amsterdam was a lot of things. It was bright blue skies, it was drifting clouds, it was narrow buildings painted golden by sunlight, it was bikes of various colours zooming by, it was bright green tree leaves and bustling farmer’s markets. For Cyrus, summer in Amsterdam also happened to be small hotel rooms and late nights, green eyes and soft laughter, sugary coffees that were sweet, but not nearly as sweet as the boy who sat opposite him in the cafés they went to. 

Summer in Amsterdam was  _TJ. _ TJ who had the brightest smiles imaginable, TJ who’s words went from playful to soft within seconds whenever his gaze met Cyrus’, TJ who, despite seeming so confident all the time, blushed crimson whenever he received a compliment of any kind. 

Looking across at the boy now, Cyrus found himself feeling grateful that he’d agreed to come on this trip. Then again, how could he possibly have refused the wide-eyed look TJ had given him? 

“Bonjour mon amour,” TJ’s voice piped up suddenly, and a smile came to Cyrus’ lips. 

“Wrong language again, Teej. That’s French, not Dutch.” 

The train they were on rumbled, shaking their carriage slightly as they rushed by various grassy fields. The sky outside was a pure blue, scattered by fluffy white clouds, and despite the movement, a relative stillness had settled around them. 

“Damn,” TJ sighed, but he was smiling too now, “I’ll get there.” 

Cyrus’ eyes lingered on him for a moment, before lowering to where his phone sat in front of him. He unlocked it, feeling TJ’s gaze on him as he began to type. 

“What are you doing?” asked TJ, a small pout forming on his face, and Cyrus let out a soft laugh. 

“I’m looking up what you just said.” 

Those words seemed to spark something in TJ, because suddenly he was leaning over the table that separated them and gently taking Cyrus’ phone off him. Before Cyrus could protest, TJ was placing the phone down and taking his hands instead, lips curving up into a smile that seemed to suggest he knew exactly what he was doing. Cyrus’ heart fluttered, and he refrained from saying anything as TJ intertwined their fingers. 

“Why would you do that when you could be paying attention to me?” he asked quietly, and Cyrus felt breathless all of a sudden. 

Lately, they’d really been blurring the lines between friends, which is what they were  _ supposed _ to be, and something more. Like - _really _ blurring them, to the point where if Cyrus tried hard enough, he was able to convince himself for a moment that they really _were _ something more. Of course, a certain tension had existed between them in Shadyside, but something about going on this holiday together seemed to have their inhibitions burning right down to the ground. Cyrus wasn’t complaining, although he _did _wish sometimes he could put some kind of label on it. 

“You have a point,” he murmured back, and TJ’s smile brightened. “Have we decided where we’re gonna go today?” 

The boy leaned in, elbows rested on the table as his gaze met Cyrus’. 

“That’s probably a good idea,” he nodded, and Cyrus was honestly struggling to pay attention to anything that _wasn’t _ TJ’s lips, “so far we’ve been to the Anne Frank House, the Van Gogh museum, the Royal Palace, the Old Church...”

“Plus every café in Amsterdam, probably.” 

“_And _ every flower shop,” TJ added, raising his eyebrows, and Cyrus laughed. 

“Hey - they’re cute!” he defended, “and they always have nice people working there!” 

“Are they _really _ nice people, or is it just because you’re Cyrus Goodman and you happen to bring out the undying kindness in everyone?” TJ teased, and Cyrus couldn’t help but laugh again, eyes shining as he leaned in so slightly. 

He’d announced his mission to buy as many tulips as possible while they were in Amsterdam, and once his mind was set on it there was no changing it. This was why they currently had about six new vases in their hotel room filled with various-coloured tulips. In his defence, they _were _ pretty. 

“Well, I’d like to think they’re just nice people,” said Cyrus, “but I _do _ have a pretty good track record with befriending old ladies at flower shops.” 

“Such a charmer,” TJ mused, smiling playfully when Cyrus threw him an accusatory look. 

“I’m very charming, I’ll have you know! This face isn’t cute for nothing.” 

TJ’s smile softened then, and Cyrus’ did too. Sue him for thinking his best friend had a cute smile. 

“Maybe we could just wander for the afternoon then head down to the canals for one of those cruise trips?” TJ suggested. 

Cyrus considered this for a moment before nodding. “That sounds nice.” 

Deep down, Cyrus couldn’t help but think it sounded somewhat romantic too, but TJ didn’t have to know that. They were just two friends who regularly held hands and went on nighttime cruises together, after all. He didn’t spend his nights in their hotel room looking across at TJ’s bed, chest practically aching with how much he wished he could just close the distance between them, and he definitely _didn’t _ exaggerate his reactions to the documentaries they watched together just so he could hug him and accidentally forget to let go. _That _ would be ridiculous. 

“Wandering it is then,” TJ smiled, as bright as the sunshine outside, and Cyrus was honestly beginning to wonder how long he could keep this up without exploding somehow. 

The train rumbled to an eventual stop, and they waited until the last possible second before letting go of each others’ hands and heading towards the doors. They slid upon, allowing them to step out into the chaos that was Amsterdam Central Station. An automatic voice spoke over the speaker, which Cyrus could only understand partially as TJ lead them through the swarms of people that filled the building. From the outside, Cyrus thought the station looked like somewhat like a palace, with its large turrets and its various ornamental details. It was charming, just like all of the buildings in this city seemed to be. 

They scanned their tickets on the way out, and soon enough they were stood in the heart of the city, a pleasant warmth in the air as they joined the crowds that were crossing the main bridge. TJ handed his phone back to him with a grin, and Cyrus couldn’t fight back a smile when the boy offered him a hand. 

These friendly lines were getting _beyond _ blurred at this point, but he tried to push this thought to the back of his mind as his eyes scanned over the network of bridges that connected the city, separated by large bodies of water and dazzling white boats. He’d been in this exact spot at least five times already, but it never seemed to get old. The air was alight with talk, laughter and the distant sounds of cars. Deep greens stood out against red brick and grey concrete, and Cyrus couldn’t resist taking what was likely his thousandth photo of the place. He turned the camera towards TJ, who looked back at the perfect moment and covered his face with a laugh when he noticed what Cyrus was doing. 

“Let’s find a café,” said TJ, playfully pushing the phone away and drawing back slightly to walk beside Cyrus. 

He huffed a laugh at that, swinging their hands as they walked. “I could’ve predicted those words from a mile away.” 

“I’m sorry Mr. ‘Can we find a flower shop’, what was that?” came the playful response, and Cyrus rolled his eyes. 

“The difference is that _I'm _ not addicted to tulips.” 

TJ just grinned. “Are you sure about that?” 

Cyrus’ eyebrows furrowed slightly with confusion at those words, then the realisation hit him. 

“I told you - I have no idea how that tulip petal got in my tea! It just did!” 

TJ began to laugh as they crossed an additional bridge, arriving at a strip of various storefronts. Across the canal, there were neat rows of narrow houses with steeply pitched gables, some of which were brightly coloured with reds and oranges. The sun beamed down on them, with nowhere near the intensity Cyrus was used to back home. 

“Sure, I believe you,” he assured, and Cyrus narrowed his eyes in what was supposed to be indignance, but apparently TJ found this cute because he reached over to ruffle his hair. It was a gesture that Cyrus had come to recognise as TJ feeling affectionate. 

They passed by a few houseboats as they walked, hands still swinging between them. Normally, Cyrus would’ve felt anxious about hand-holding, but something about this city seemed to ease those nerves. It probably didn’t help that TJ looked particularly cute on this day with his wind-swept hair and those dark sunglasses Cyrus really wasn’t sure why he liked so much. He was just glad that TJ initiated something because otherwise, he would’ve spent the day fighting several urges to do so. 

They turned the corner onto one of the main streets, spanned by red brick. TJ’s eyes scanned along the storefronts they passed, and Cyrus was so caught up in just admiring he was alarmed to say the least when the boy’s eyes widened dramatically. 

“Cyrus!” 

He immediately tore his gaze away, cheeks tinged red as he focused on why they’d come to a sudden stop. An amazed smile appeared on his lips. 

“Are you kidding me?!” 

It was a quaint-looking LGBT+ book store, narrow like all the other buildings, with various rainbow flags displayed through the windows. 

“I didn’t even realise these exist,” TJ breathed out, letting go of Cyrus’ hand in his excitement and pushing through the door. Cyrus followed suit, fighting back a fond smile. Dust-speckled streams of sunlight were cast upon the bookshelves, lighting up the pages. A friendly-looking man was stood behind the counter, and Cyrus attempted to say a simple ‘Hello’ in Dutch. Bad accent aside, he must’ve understood, because he offered him a friendly smile and returned the greeting. 

“Where are you guys from?” he asked, and Cyrus let out a laugh. 

“America,” he answered, “I guess that’s probably obvious.” 

“Yeah,” the man nodded, smiling, “the accent is, uh...telling.” 

Cyrus was usually pretty opposed to small talk, but Bram, as he had discovered, was very knowledgeable about all of the pride events that occurred in Amsterdam throughout the year. By the time he had finished explaining their most popular one, TJ was joining them at the counter, a precarious pile of books and pride-related items in his arms. Cyrus raised an eyebrow, huffing out a disbelieving laugh when he placed all of it down on the counter with a bright smile. 

“Hello! Just these, thanks.” 

“I guess we’ll be reading a bit over the next few weeks,” Cyrus mused, and Bram looked between them for a moment, smile knowing. 

Bram gave them one last goodbye when TJ had finished paying, and the pair proceeded to locate the nearest café. It ended up being about two stores away, which had Cyrus laughing as they entered, the bell chiming above their heads.

“Did you just spend two minutes on Google maps for nothing?” he asked, which had TJ giving him a glare. 

“Did _you _ just spend two minutes watching me instead of looking around and noticing the café?” he retorted. 

Cyrus rolled his eyes at that, but he was still smiling as they settled down on either side of a small, rounded table by the corner. When TJ got up to order their drinks, he began going through some of the stuff he’d brought from the bookstore. Amongst the books were flags of varying sizes, pens, keychains, pins, and even a  _shirt._

The afternoon was beginning to approach now, and Cyrus could see it the way TJ’s hair was tinged a warm gold by the sunlight outside as he sat down. Cyrus smiled gratefully as he handed his drink over. 

“Thanks.” 

“No problem.” 

Cyrus began discussing what Bram had told him about pride parades in Amsterdam, and TJ’s hands continued to inch closer towards his across the table, until suddenly they were brushing and Cyrus’ heart was skipping a beat. He looked down at their hands before looking back up again, the words to continue caught in his throat. Something about the look on TJ’s face seemed softer than it had other time, like the warmth of a sunset rather than the brightness of midday sunshine. Cyrus held his breath for a moment, before reaching out and taking his hand. TJ’s smile widened, as though that’s what he hoped he’d do. 

“We should go together sometime,” he said, quieter than normal. 

“Yeah,” Cyrus blushed, butterflies swarming his stomach, “we should.” 

TJ’s eyes were still on him when he lifted his gaze again, and for a moment they remained like that, the nonexistent space between them driving Cyrus half crazy. It was fleeting, but Cyrus couldn’t stop thinking about it as they went about their afternoon, remaining closer to one another than they had before. 

The warmth in the air faded away with the sunlight as the afternoon turned to dusk. The deep reds during sunset ebbed away eventually, leaving darkness in its wake. Cyrus used the cold as an excuse to huddle up close to TJ, claiming that he had to steal his body warmth. TJ didn’t seem to mind. In fact - he just wrapped an arm around his shoulders with a fond smile, drawing him in. 

Cyrus’ eye’s caught a hot chocolate vendor by the middle of the line, and he couldn’t help but laugh slightly. 

“That’s a smart business model,” he mused, nodding his head towards the vendor, “tempt people while they’re cold and standing around just waiting.” 

TJ smiled. “Yeah. It’s already pretty much worked on me.” 

He began rubbing his thumb against Cyrus’ arm in small circles, which may’ve seemed like a minor thing to any rational person, but it had Cyrus’ heart exploding. 

Amsterdam was filled with a whole new energy at night. Various lights illuminating each building amongst the darkness, and the previously blue canals had darkened to the point of seeming black. The talk and the laughter seemed more hushed now. 

“My legs are tired,” Cyrus complained, and the very last thing he expected from those words was for TJ to shrug and quite literally sweep him off his feet as though it was nothing. 

“TJ!” he laughed, “that is _not _ what I meant!” 

The boy just shrugged, eyes shining. “Hey, you’re not using your legs anymore, right?” 

Cyrus found himself feeling thankful for the darkness, because he could feel his face growing hot. He glanced around at the surrounding people for a moment, before shrugging and resting his head against TJ’s chest. Being this close to TJ made him feel as though he was fourteen all over again, obsessing over every brush of contact they shared, hopelessly wishing for more between them. 

TJ set him down after a minute or so as they approached the centre of the queue, but his hands lingered by Cyrus’ waist for what was probably a moment too long before heading off to buy hot chocolates. 

Their tickets were confirmed, and soon enough they were stepping down onto a boat that swayed slightly upon entering. It was long, coloured an almost-black looking navy blue, and within it there were various compartments. They found one by the back of the boat, and much like the train they’d taken into the city, a small table separated them. Yellow lights glowed at the bottom of their seats, but apart from that the lighting was minimal. 

Cyrus could felt a jittery kind of nervousness beginning to kick in as the other passengers found compartments. When TJ looked out of the window, he snuck his phone out of his pocket and typed in vaguely what he’d heard the boy say in French earlier. 

_ Bonjour mon amour _

_ ‘Hello my love.’ _

His heart skipped a beat at that. He quickly put his phone away, meeting TJ’s smile with a nervous one of his own. 

The boat began to move, and as they slowly made their way down the canal, a voice over the speakers told them about the history behind specific places, first in Dutch, then in English. Through the window, the arches of each bridge they went under was lit up with yellow. The lights of the city were all reflected against the water, which shone with various yellows, oranges and blues. Cyrus very nearly ended up pressing his face up against the window in an effort to see everything, pulling away only when he felt TJ’s gaze on him. 

Cyrus looked over, quirking an eyebrow. “Can I help you?” 

He held out his hands, palms facing up, and Cyrus was physically incapable of pretending to be any kind of confident as he hesitantly turned to face him, placing his hands on TJ’s. 

“Sorry. I’m just...feeling a little distracted.” 

Cyrus smiled down at the table for a moment, officially not paying attention to the view through their window anymore. TJ’s face was lit up by the light displays outside, and Cyrus’ expression was soft as he admired him. 

“By the view?” he asked, teasingly. 

TJ’s gaze remained firmly on him, eyes amused. “You could say that.” 

Cyrus searched for something to say after that, but the nervousness clouding his brain wasn’t exactly making it easy. He hesitated for a moment, eyes flicking involuntarily down to TJ’s lips. 

“You called me your love.” 

TJ seemed tense all of a sudden. “Yeah...is that okay?” 

Cyrus didn’t really know how else to express how ridiculously okay with that he was apart from nod enthusiastically. TJ got the message. 

“Okay then...” he paused for a moment, taking a breath in, before getting up from his seat, still holding Cyrus’ hands as he joined him on his side of the table. 

Cyrus turned his body to face him fully, heart racing away in his chest. When TJ leaned in, face lit up a warm yellow by the lights outside, he did too. 

“Is _this _ okay?” 

“Yeah,” Cyrus answered without hesitating, then TJ was smiling and gently drawing him in, letting go of his hands in favour of cupping his face instead. Cyrus was having a very hard time registering that after years he was  _ finally _ kissing TJ, in Amsterdam, on a  _ boat _ of all places, but he pushed all of that aside and focused on kissing him back. 

It was when they’d both pulled away, expressions a mixture of giddiness and shock, that TJ pointed to something out the window with a breathless laugh. 

Cyrus turned around, unable to keep from smiling when he saw a rainbow light display right by the canal’s edge, shaped into a heart. 

“The universe knows!” he exclaimed, and TJ laughed again. 

“Yeah. It does.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaand that's it!!
> 
> Kudos/comments are appreciated as always if you enjoyed <33


End file.
